//mama, you know I love you//

So, I have this rather unsettling obsession with texting people the lyrics to a Boyz II Men song. I’m not sure whether it should be classified as a quirk or a complex,but on an alarmingly regular basis this insatiable desire comes over me and I find myself blessing another with a verse or two from Cooleyhighharmony.

I honestly don’t know where it came from. I mean… I was a fan back in the day. Who wasn’t though? Their blissful harmonies and pseudo-erotic lyrical genius were what made middle school dances, mixed tapes and ID bracelets such formative expressions of our pubescent years.

None of us would be the people were today had they not released the II album. Shit, track nine alone deserves credit for 3 out of 5 of the girls I kissed in the 8th grade. I strongly feel that it is incumbent upon us all to keep their songs in circulation in whatever manner possible.

Well anyways, I usually get a mixed response when I bombard a person’s inbox.

It usually goes a lil’ somethin’ like dis’*:

Me: We don’t even talk any more. We don’t even know what we argue about.

Friend: What are you talking about? We talked this morning.

Me: Don’t even say, “I love you no more.” ‘Cuz saying how we feel is no longer allowed.

Friend: What the hell?

Me: Some people will works things out, and some just don’t know how to change.

Friend: I am so confused. I don’t have any idea what you are talking about, and I’m seriously not responding to you anymore.

Me: Let’s don’t wait ‘til the water runs dry. We might watch our whole lives pass us by.

Friend: … that’s not even good grammar.

Me: Let’s don’t wait ‘til the water runs dry. We’ll make the biggest mistake of our lives.

Friend: You’re wasting all my text messages. You’re going to owe me like 70 cents.

Me: Don’t do it baby…

Friend: I hate you.

I’m just trying to do my part.

Jared.

*translation: “It usually goes a little something like this”